Initially when I was in elementary school, I wanted to be a vetranarian. After a while I realized I would not be able to look a child in the eye and tell them to say goodbye to their beloved pets. In middle school I had no clue because I wasn't thinking about it and at the time I only wanted to be accepted by those around me. School was not my top priority. Towards the end of grade 8, on into high school, I had started watching Criminal Minds, Rizzoli & Isles, Lie to Me, CSI, Law and Order:SVU, and Castle. Basically any crime show you could imagine at the time. I wanted to be as bad ass as Emily Prentiss on Criminal Minds. Being a criminal profiler, study forensics, behavioural analysis, and helping people was what I wanted to do. Then of course I stopped watching the shows, and I lost some interest in it. At the thinning of grade 12, I wanted to be a nurse. My youth leader is a nurse at the children's hospital, and her stories just inspired me to try it out. Clearly God must have some different plan for me, because I am definitely not a biology person. Biology stressed me out beyond belief and that was only grade 12, could you imagine university?
Soon afterwards I decided music was something I could do. I spend the majority of my day in the band room, the majority of "study" time goes towards practicing. It's something I care about, something I love, and something I'm good at. My only issue is that I was never this invested in my music until grade eleven. That's five years of taking it for granted. My teachers informed me that I should take a year to do more lessons because I can do it, it's just going to take some extra work.
Most times I am not patient, and everytime I messed up, I stress a little bit more. It scares me to leave where I'm at a little bit right now, just because I don't know any different. Now, to change my mind one more time, I started thinking about leaving to do a mission trip. Everyone says "travel while you're young", and as the days go on it becomes more and more appealing.
How great would it be to travel, help people, and experience life all at once? I am in such a bubble and change might just be a good thing.
I had a short concersation with a friend the other day. I'm not that close with him but the moment I told him about music he said "oh man, that's awesome. You should be in the symphony." Immediately I started saying "well, it's not as simple as that." His response to me was "everyone in that symphony started where you are. Yeah, you're going to have to work at it, but if you want to do it, than do it. What's stopping you?" I didn't have an answer for him because I don't know what's stopping me. Everything that I worried about just seemed so small in that moment, and it gave me some new hope.